Monthly Archives: January 2013

Sassy Sales


I’ve just been out for a weekend shopping, which is always a race between my feet and my wallet to see which will give out first. This weekend it was my wallet. So, I went to Bath and if any of you have ever been to Bath you may know this is quite a classy place where scrounging vegabonds become classical buskers and bargin buckets become premium packages. 

Naturally this resulted in a lot of posh designer shops which can, at times, prove to be quite a challenge. Entering. We walked in, torches in hand (as they’ve decided it would be fun to make it a challenge to see what you are potentially purchasing) to be greeted by smiley teenagers draped in every item of clothing in the store that no one apart from the people that work there can afford. Trying. I went to the changing rooms and said I’ve got two things. To which she replied “okay, I’ll take those for you” and then did exactly that and walked into the changing room. I’m sorry, did I accidently say I want you to try them on for me? Did I not make myself clear that I am thinking of possibly purchasing these items but would like to try them first, I’m not simply here to give them to you or I would be working here where I could rearrange the clothes myself. So, after hanging them up she reemerged from the changing room still smiling and said “it’s all ready for you” and gestures to the door. Yes, thank you for that, I was actually worried about getting lost between the general fitting room entrance and my own individual fitting room. Then again, I guess if you lit your store properly, we wouldn’t have this issue. 

Leaving. Then when you leave you have to say things like “hm, yes, I am considering…” or “I think I’ll come back for that later” so you can justify leaving with nothing without looking like you were just in there for the good music and the comfy chairs. Purchasing. I did splash out and actually went as far as to by a coat from one of these shops, I can now be called a classy Bath shopper thank you very much. So I put it on the counter waiting for her to announce the price thinking bring it on, I’ve got just the thing for this job. Out came the cash, the card and the gift voucher, I’m going at this with a three-pronged attack. And I did. 

But a thoroughly good and much enjoyed weekend all round, again made all the better by the presence of a meatball sub to get me through the day 🙂


Testing Times and Perfect Poetry


Exams. No matter how prepared you are, they always have to power to stump you because even the greatest fool can ask more than the wisest man can answer. So the night before you’re busy cramming in as much information in order to replace your empty mind with an open mind and it’s always the most important notes that are illegible because let’s be honest, nothing makes people more productive than the last minute. And the more we study, the more we realise our ignorance and wonder which answer they’ll be looking for. They call it a learning curve but sometimes I think I’ve learnt so much I’m going round in circles.To be fair, I was studying (well, minus the first three letters).

Then it comes to exam day and you spend the whole time stressing more about the ‘simple’ things such as where to sit and what to bring and for a little while, you forget about the actual exam and the fact there will be questions you’re expected to answer. That’s when the exam starts. Answering the questions is always fun, adding letters to the end of words to make them longer and therefore more intelligent. Writing ‘etc’ at the end of answers to make it look like you have a wide expanse of extra knowledge when you really mean End of Thinking Capacity. So it was going well and I was on track, well until about half way through anyway. That’s when I turned to the back for a cheeky peak in an attempt to seek spare paper. This attempt was in vain but I did discover something else…THERE WAS AN EXTRA QUESTION. Sneaky. In every paper I had done there had been seven, sometimes eight questions and there was me thinking I was on fire but no, there were nine questions. Nine.

So after a little while I gained that supernatural ability that every student gets five minutes before the end of the exam to suddenly write a lot faster and make up words to fill the blank spaces just as it was announced that we were in the final five minutes (why dot they do that? why? we have eyes we can see the clock, does it look like we need any more pressure in the given situation?). We got down to the final two minutes, sparks coming from my pen, legibility of words lost a long time ago, frantically scribbling on the paper. Then, one minute before the end of the exam (which is a perfectly substantial amount of time to change, correct and add I’ll have you know) was apparently also the perfect time for a fire alarm. If all the possible stress of one college day could be condensed into one minute, this was it.

Who knows what the results of that exam will bring but for now I can put my feet up and safely say January exams for me are over. Relax. Of course there is an exception to this because when does life ever really sit still (I walked into ASDA before new year and was greeted with a banner saying ‘Happy Easter’, I mean, really?). Anyway, I got some very exciting news the other day. If you’re a keen follower of this little space, first of all I thank you, but also, you may have heard me talk about a certain poet, Harry Baker. If not, he’s an absolutely fantastic, rapping, comedic all-in-all fun poet that I would thoroughly recommend to anyone and he is coming to our town for a gig. So a bit of background – in 2010 he won the London poetry slam, then went on to win the UK poetry slam the next year, if that wasn’t enough he won the European poetry slam and finished it off by winning the world poetry slam just last year, only topping it with five stars at the Edinburgh festival, all by the age of twenty. I have literally got the currently best poet in the world to come and do an evening gig for the good old Kenya fund. So, wherever you are in the world, whether you like poetry or not, come and support, Saturday the 16th February, because you wont regret it.  Just contact me for details because it going to be gooooood 🙂

The first day of the rest of our lives


So here it is, my first blog from 2013 and may I take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy and hearty new year. The pleasure’s all yours. I’m joking of course but really, I hope you all had a thoroughly good night ( if you can remember it of course).  As did I, you may want to drink till you vomit and make unending resolutions you’ll never keep to but for me, give me a limbo stick and a cereal box and I’m there. I may need to explain, for those of you not familiar with the dignifying cereal box game, it’s where you have to bend down with only feet on the floor and attempt to pick up an ever shrinking cereal box with your teeth. All in good fun. Then of course there was the dancing. Now you may enjoy your mad head banging to the latest in the charts but last night we rocked out to the dancing classics. I’m talking YMCA followed by the Cha Cha Slide, onto the Macarena finished off with the Time Warp and a Grease medley for good measure.

Then of course there was the countdown to midnight, watching the fireworks and a drunken rendition of ‘Auld Lang Syne’. Maybe that will be my new years resolution this year; to learn the words to ‘Auld Lang Syne’. Although resolutions always are a bit of a grey area I believe. There are the vague and seemingly profound ones that don’t actually mean anything like ‘be a better person’ or ‘do more for myself’, there are the quite frankly unrealistic ones like diets and exercise when there’s still turkey form Christmas the ‘needs eating up’ and mince pies in the cupboard that ‘wont eat themselves’ and the truly out-there ones that are kept for a month and a half before given up for Lent. That’s why, this year, I’ve decided to write a list of targets for the year, an ‘Abi’s aims for 2013’ if you will. Because this year I don’t want to say farewell to ambition by January the 2nd, I want to look back on the year knowing I’ve done something, that no matter how small, I’ve achieved. In fact in some ways I feel like I already have achieved this year (gingerbread dipped in nutella, try it). Because as Micheal Altshuler (and subsequently Danny O’Donoghue) once said “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” It’s going to be a good year, and that’s why I’d like to share with you a few lyrics from a song I feel very apt for the moment:

I’m trying to make every day count, every day count

so that good times are many and failings are few

and my life can be a tribute to you.

And I would encourage you all to make everyday count this year. Even if that is just brightening up someones day with a smile. Wouldn’t that be cool, spending every day trying to make someone else’s. How much better would the world be then? Anyway, I wish you all the best in all your endeavours this year and if you have made new years resolutions, best of luck to you, maybe this time next year I will be sharing with you some of the achievements of the year. Who knows what this year will bring but anyhow, for now Happy new year, feliz año nuevo, heureuse nouvelle année and a glückliches neues Jahr to you all. So live, learn and hope as today is the first day of the rest of our lives 🙂